remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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