What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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