she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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