Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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