I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
