I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
