FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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