marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
