That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
