I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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