I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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