worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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