it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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