Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
