you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
