It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
