remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
