I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
