I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There r osticjed everywhere
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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