Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
