We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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