i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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