i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
