Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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