What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
