last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need moral support for this bender
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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