what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
