i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
