He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
