When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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