please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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