he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
