She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
love makes seman taste better
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
