I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
there is glitter all over my balls
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
