My brain says no but my pants say off.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
