oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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