I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
