You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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