Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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