guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
