Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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