We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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