I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
