how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
