I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
that may or may not have been my penis.
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