I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
