$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
