Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
