i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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