he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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