ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
