he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
