I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
