come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
