you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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