she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
