So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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