i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
high people should be assigned attendants
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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