Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
