Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize