I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
