I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
