Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
