i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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