Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
