I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
