you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
