Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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