We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
