I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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