another moral hangover. fuck.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize