i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
