I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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