Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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