I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize